I took this photo on Maidan in Kyiv, Ukraine during the 2014 Revolution of Dignity
I was reading through my blog feed and one of the authors I regularly read lives and works in Paris, France. She posted about a week after the Paris attacks and stuttered and bumbled her way through a post, apologizing for not having written earlier and trying to explain her thoughts which were still scattered as she was trying to process the tragedy. She made no sense and was not coherent. At the end of the post she added, “I just don’t know what I can or can’t say about what happened which makes this so hard for me.”
I knew way before Maidan why I wasn’t blogging frequently. I lived in a country under oppression and anything I said could be misconstrued or held against me or anyone, church or organization I mentioned on my blog. I had to keep a low profile with our ministry. I knew friends who were being…..well, the only word I could use would be, “persecuted” for trying to help orphans. It’s still complicated today.
The potential for harassment made every post feel heavy. What could I say? What couldn’t I say? What can I write about that won’t get anyone hurt? Something that came easily to me, being open and blogging about life, became difficult and complicated.
Then came Maidan which made things much more complicated. Everyone wanted to post about it and we needed to post about it as it was unfolding, but it was risky. Very risky. If things went the other way, as they did for a while when we all technically lived in a dictatorship, there could be more trouble. At the time, it seemed overwhelming to comprehend. It still does. It may sound over dramatic. It felt that way at the time, but you didn’t really know what would happen next.
This blogger in Paris is feeling the effects of terrorism and civil unrest. The stunned feeling, the unknown, the bad, the possibly worse things that could happen. The inability to properly process the world around you even through words, which usually are the balm of your soul and way to express yourself could possibly make your life worse. It’s a horrible feeling.
This is one of the very negative outcomes of terrorism and war. Stunned people trying to process the world around them. The fear of putting things in writing. The fear of misunderstanding. The feeling of confusion.
Now it’s not about just praying for Ukraine or praying for Paris……it’s about praying for the world. And praying for those of us living on this earth who are not choosing to express themselves through evil actions and terrorizing others for power and money. I’m not just praying for a specific city or country, but I’m praying that we would be able to learn to live our lives and spread peace in the midst of the growing evil and chaos.